I love sketchbooks. Especially buying them. There are thirty sketchbooks in my stash, all in different stages and for different purposes. Large ones and small ones. Spiral bound and lay-flat bound. Different paper brands and surfaces.
I’m not a collector…they all get used… and when I finish one up I remove my favorite pictures and recycle the rest. I wipe the slate clean and start over.
When I bought my first sketchbook several years ago I was overwhelmed. I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted the sketchbook to be a showcase of my paintings that I would show off with pride. I wanted the sketchbook to be an organized expression of my art.
I bought a couple of sketchbooks and labeled them “trees” and “cats” and “flowers.”
Very logical.
This system fell off the tracks almost instantly. Imagine my horror when I accidentally painted a landscape in the “cat” book and in the “tree” book. I lost my orientation and painted something upside down.
The stress was too much… if I showed anyone my sketchbooks they would quickly realize I am not a perfectly organized master artist. Which, of course, I am not.
After a few pages into the book I would abandon it and start fresh. A new book meant I could try again to be the artist I thought everyone wanted me to be. This time it would be perfect.
After years of this tug and pull, I finally understood that I was getting ahead of myself. I was forgetting to play with the paints, approaching my painting with way too many rules and expectations. I was heading into the process thinking about the “marketability” instead of enjoying the creative journey which is all that matters.
I opened a new sketchbook today. No expectations and no judgements. Just playing with paint.
I can totally relate. I collect a variety of sketchbooks too. Many I have had for years. Some are full, some were a part of a journey and long abandoned, some because the cover was beautiful, but then I can not see myself drawing anything prettier inside of it so it’s empty, lol. But I always have one that will get use year round until it’s full, and that will complete an artistic chapter of my life. Makes me happy to read your post that I’m not the only one that sometimes puts that pressure on myself to make my sketchbook something perfectly presentable. Especially now in the era of online media I think I hold back letting loose because it’s not good enough to be possibly seen by the world. As of late that has been my focus, to paint for my own joy and not with the anticipation of expectations. My sketchbook/ art journal becoming my art diary again.
Your paintings are lovely and I thank you for sharing your journey. 🤗
I feel the same way! Hoping every new sketchbook will be the one that will be perfect. Stressing over it and forgetting to play. I am thinking of making a slideshow of my best pages from each of my finished sketchbooks.